May 22

I've never met a person that doesn't like movie theater popcorn-everybody likes it. That's why my dilemma for what to give as a wedding present has now been solved. Oh, I think the bride and groom will be so surprised and also happy.

May 21

The other day, my husband & I hunted around the house. Both of us could smell the strong stench of insect killer but neither of us claimed to have sprayed it. The awful aroma was overwhelming and I was deeply concerned for our well-being with all those chemicals in the air. That's when my husband arrived upon the lilac-scented diffuser I'd purchased & set out the day before. I think they got that smell wrong!!! I'd just wrapped 3 of them for birthdays this month but I got to open all the presents and retrieve the smell of death. I wonder what the company meeting was like before that product launch:
Employee 1: I don't think we got this smell quite right. In fact, your lifespan would probably be significantly reduced by sniffing this.
Employee 2: Well, we are on a deadline. Let's just send it out how it is.
Employee 3: Don't add those scratch & sniff stickers to this batch or we'll never make any money!

May 6

I'm really not a morning person like I used to be. When seeing the boxes of Cheerios at the grocery store, I got annoyed because maybe people don't want a "bowl of cheer" in the morning, you know? Maybe some mornings all we want to do is pour ourselves a big bowl of Suicidalos...

April 21

I have a great tip for people short on time like me that want to take care of their yard but also exercise. Try combining jogging and mowing the lawn. It may become a new cross-training competition in the near future so watch for that.

April 15-Tax Day

I think the federal government is one of the few "businesses" that doesn't have to send it's clients an itemized bill. What are we paying for exactly? Nobody knows yet we'll still just send the money to the big "mystery fund" just so we don't get thrown in jail.

Government tactics would never work in a marriage. If I spent 15-25% of my husband's paycheck and couldn't tell him exactly where the money was going, things would get a little rocky. Vague answers like, "A little went to education and a little went to help Susie because she's still unemployed and a little went to pay for some people who've never owned a home before to have a little help..." would not cut it. But the government can get away with it.

Businesses could never get away with it either. If businesses bullied people by telling them they had to pay or go to jail, even if they didn't understand what they were paying for, the whole barter system might once again be a thing of the present, not just the past.

Government is smart, very smart and they keep things simple: Just ask us to pay without any specifics and threaten to send us to jail if we don't. Hire a few people to check and make sure people did what they were told, and reap the financial rewards of it all.

Happy Tax Day!

April 13

I don't understand all this talk about retirement and 401(k)s. We cash out the 401(k) every few years so we can take a good trip to Disneyland. I assumed the whole concept was the government's way of encouraging us to take vacations since most of us don't save very well without a little help.

April Fools

I can't believe all that's happened today!

*One nephew won 25 tickets to the monster truck show.

*Another nephew had emergency surgery following his check-up today.

*My brother-in-law won U2 tickets and a trip to Europe to see them.

*My sister-in-law was on Good Morning America.

*Another brother-in-law shot somebody in a prison fight.

*My mom went from being a legal secretary to being an attorney (the nice word for lawyers).

*A sister-in-law got her teeth knocked out doing a cartwheel at work.

*Another sis-in-law had the misfortune of needing an eye transplant when the Easter bunny stabbed her with a carrot.

*My brother was nominated for an honorary degree from a local university.

*My sister's boyfriend fed penguins today.

*My sister's cat was featured on America's funniest home videos.

*A sister-in-law's basement flooded.

*My brother finally booked a trip to Mexico.

*Another brother hit a dog today.

*Two of my friends are pregnant. One of them just had a baby girl a couple weeks ago but the doctors discovered there's a brother in the oven baking, ready to come out. Will they still be considered twins if they're born a few weeks apart?

*Another friend won the lottery.

*My husband had an accident and may need surgery.

*I made ice cream sandwiches for my friend and left all 57 of them on her doorstep.

*A friend's mother just found her birth certificate and she's not 40 after all-she's only 37!

I took the liberty of posting all of this news on each person's facebook page. If only there were more time in the day to share ALL of the news...