April 15-Tax Day

I think the federal government is one of the few "businesses" that doesn't have to send it's clients an itemized bill. What are we paying for exactly? Nobody knows yet we'll still just send the money to the big "mystery fund" just so we don't get thrown in jail.

Government tactics would never work in a marriage. If I spent 15-25% of my husband's paycheck and couldn't tell him exactly where the money was going, things would get a little rocky. Vague answers like, "A little went to education and a little went to help Susie because she's still unemployed and a little went to pay for some people who've never owned a home before to have a little help..." would not cut it. But the government can get away with it.

Businesses could never get away with it either. If businesses bullied people by telling them they had to pay or go to jail, even if they didn't understand what they were paying for, the whole barter system might once again be a thing of the present, not just the past.

Government is smart, very smart and they keep things simple: Just ask us to pay without any specifics and threaten to send us to jail if we don't. Hire a few people to check and make sure people did what they were told, and reap the financial rewards of it all.

Happy Tax Day!

April 13

I don't understand all this talk about retirement and 401(k)s. We cash out the 401(k) every few years so we can take a good trip to Disneyland. I assumed the whole concept was the government's way of encouraging us to take vacations since most of us don't save very well without a little help.

April Fools

I can't believe all that's happened today!

*One nephew won 25 tickets to the monster truck show.

*Another nephew had emergency surgery following his check-up today.

*My brother-in-law won U2 tickets and a trip to Europe to see them.

*My sister-in-law was on Good Morning America.

*Another brother-in-law shot somebody in a prison fight.

*My mom went from being a legal secretary to being an attorney (the nice word for lawyers).

*A sister-in-law got her teeth knocked out doing a cartwheel at work.

*Another sis-in-law had the misfortune of needing an eye transplant when the Easter bunny stabbed her with a carrot.

*My brother was nominated for an honorary degree from a local university.

*My sister's boyfriend fed penguins today.

*My sister's cat was featured on America's funniest home videos.

*A sister-in-law's basement flooded.

*My brother finally booked a trip to Mexico.

*Another brother hit a dog today.

*Two of my friends are pregnant. One of them just had a baby girl a couple weeks ago but the doctors discovered there's a brother in the oven baking, ready to come out. Will they still be considered twins if they're born a few weeks apart?

*Another friend won the lottery.

*My husband had an accident and may need surgery.

*I made ice cream sandwiches for my friend and left all 57 of them on her doorstep.

*A friend's mother just found her birth certificate and she's not 40 after all-she's only 37!

I took the liberty of posting all of this news on each person's facebook page. If only there were more time in the day to share ALL of the news...

March 31

Why aren't pharmaceutical companies required to list the calories on their medications? Of most concern are liquid medications. Maybe knowing the calories could help make the final decision of whether or not to take the medication.

It would be interesting to know how many calories are in diet pills. Maybe it's only 5 calories or so but some of the girls obsessed with dieting that I've met might be deterred by just 5 calories.

Maybe some people that overdose on cough syrup would really think twice if they knew that a bottle of syrup had 2,000 calories in it.

March 27

The greatest trick I have learned about being around people when you don't know what to say is to brag. This is particularly effective when you're around somebody you don't know very well. You don't really have to think up new things to say. Just listen to what they say and then top it.

-"That's the job I do, too...but I probably get paid more than you..."

-"I used to drive a car like that but nobody was impressed so I upgraded..."

-"I love to run, too, but I prefer to add push-ups at the same time, wouldn't want to be called lazy..."

If you run into the obstacle of another person not saying anything, a few ice breakers are:

-"I've always been so popular..."

-"I get mistaken for a famous person all the time..."

-"I've never been dumped, only done the dumping..."

It's surprising how those little tidbits can really jumpstart a long and meaningful friendship. Just remember, the world may be full of friendly faces but none of them are as remarkable as yours and you should never be afraid to tell people more about that.

March 11

I had shepherd's pie for dinner last night-holy yum!!! I liked it so much I'm thinking of changing professions-sheep are kind of cute. I have a relatively small yard but I guess that will make it easier to keep track of them. I'll have to find other people in my community with sheep though so my sheep and their sheep can have play dates.

March 7

Gymnastics is the kind of sport that leaves so many unanswered questions.

How did the first person discover & popularize the balance beam? Did they have a few boards propped up on something and too much time on their hands and before you know it, they were inviting people over saying, "Look what I can do"? And then did somebody say, "Well, that's nothin'-check THIS out" and they started the first balance beam competition?

What do fellow gymnasts say to each other after a routine? Do they say things like, "Wow, you sure are great at flipping"? or "I liked the way you went around and around on the bars"?

How does a male coach of female gymnastics get a wife? How does a man tell a woman, "I want to guide cute, young girls who prance around in leotards and I want to do it in a very hands-on sort of way" and have her okay with that?

Finally and perhaps the biggest question of all is this-would it be more difficult to be married to a man who's a gynecologist or a female gymnastics coach?