Traffic School

As the lucky recipient of traffic school training today, I thought I'd highlight just a few of the details. FAILED TRAFFIC SCHOOL INTRODUCTIONS: ***Hi. My name is Kimberly. This is my first time here because I am usually a very safe driver. Also, today is my grandpas's birthday-he's not here or anything, just wanted to give a shout out anyway. ***The name's Trevor. Honestly, I had no idea this was traffic school. The cop told me to show up tonight and they'd remove the fungus I have. ***My name is Candace and I probably really belong here. I gotta admit, I'm a pretty bad driver!

TEACHING TECHNIQUE/WORST SURPRISE EVER: "Some classes are full of statistics. Some classes show gory videos. I don't do either of those things. Surprise, guys-each of you will be teaching part of this class!"

SOME OF THE MESSAGES WE GOT FROM THE TRAINING: ***If you're being tailgated, move out of the guy's way, dummy! ***If you aren't carrying a weapon in your vehicle, you have no business driving and you might not live through the next 24 hours. ***A DUI conviction runs you about $10,000...your $15 worth of alcohol can generate a LOT of money to help your city! ***There have been major public education efforts in regards to drinking and driving. Nothing seems to deter it. What would it actually take to deter it? (The class made a list!!! We were, after all, the surprise teachers) ---That creepy 4th grade teacher you still have nightmares about spends the night in your home ---Your 10 biggest enemies get to pick items to feed to you and you aren't allowed to refuse any of them ---A clown spends the night at your house ---You are locked in a room full of clowns ---In order to save you from prison time, your whole family must commit to a lifetime of clowning ***If you are in any accident that involves somebody losing their life, you can pretty much guarantee somebody will be drawing your blood. It's weird, too, because they put the hollow collection tubes in their teeth and draw from your neck... ***Cyclists are legally allowed to ride in the right traffic lane, even if there are clear bike lanes available. They can legally choose the part of the road you are driving on and YOU must give them 3 feet of space. To make this long story short, when your siblings are late for something, hop on your bike and give them a lesson in patience.

***85% of people speeding in your neighborhoods are your actual neighbors!!! Does that mean that 85% of the people flipping me off in my neighborhood are also my neighbors? ***If you cut in front of a semi, they might get a ticket but you might be dead. ***Distractions while driving seemed to be a big issue & we were told it's really important to stop for 3 seconds at every stop sign. Since I don't want to be distracted by counting Mississippis or programming my watch for the proper 3 seconds, I'd really like to invent a timer for driving. Every time you hit a stop sign, you just push a single button and it beeps after 3 seconds. Any investors out there hearing this? ***The instructor said he'd take a ticket any day over hurting, harming, or killing somebody. Ha! To me, that sounds like somebody who's never had a ticket before!

CONCLUSION: Maybe I'm not good at driving (especially when dark cars with their lights off drive by at 50 mph-I'm a real threat to society at moments like that). I'm okay at math though. There were 13 of us and at $55 a pop for an hour and a half, one teacher generated $476/hour. The only conclusion I can reach is that financially, I REALLY need to teach this class and then I can surprise MY students and tell them they get to be the teachers. That's what you get to do when you're making the big bucks!