What Would You Do? (Dog Edition)

I've been catching up on far too many episodes of What Would You Do? I got the great idea of testing the character of my dogs so here are some things we've tried and the results: ***I hired some actors and by hired I mean offered to feed dinner to and by actors I mean my boys. One had to pretend he was REALLY hurting the other and the other had to pretend he was REALLY suffering. I wanted to see what the dogs would do. They just sat down in front of the boys and watched with mild interest. There's no way those dogs will ever protect us in an emergency situation! ***I tested the patience of the dogs by feeding them dinner, one piece of dog food at a time. Those dogs are not patient AT ALL! They went ballistically crazy. They took turns trying to tackle me while the other tried to sneak behind my back for the rest of the food but lucky for me 12-pound dogs aren't that good at tackling me. ***I tested the honesty of the dogs by leaving opened treats out. All I can say is that those dogs don't have one speck of integrity or sense of self control either. Don't ever let them invest treats for you! ***I tested the athleticism of the dogs by setting up an obstacle course for them. Not only are they not athletic enough to complete each task correctly but they don't have a long enough attention span to do much more than start the course. ***I tested the dogs for classiness by seeing how they behave while humans are watching them and also when they don't think they are being watched. In both scenarios, they lick their crotches, lick the ground, lick the couch, and our male dog scoots his bum on the ground as if it is his personal roll of toilet paper. They are shameless in their pursuit of other people's food and the female barks a lot about nothing. They do not have one bit of class in them. IN SUMMARY: Dogs do not have good characters at all!!! They never do the right thing! They are sometimes cute and they are quite playful and our male in particular is ridiculously loyal but they could use some refining, that's for certain. If they'd just quit being so lovable, maybe their character would matter more.