May 30

This morning I sat in an office that had one of those super cutesy posters. It had three flowers and under each was one word: believe, hope, and dream but the glass was split at the bottom corner and several cracks had started spreading. I loved seeing that broken glass across those words and then I thought somebody should come along and etch the word REALITY right on top of those other words and leave the cracks there forever.

May 29

I don't believe we call birds the thieves that they are often enough. I didn't mind them stealing the worms from my grass or even eating our currents when we had them. I didn't mind them picking out our grapes but I'm irrate about them eating our strawberries. Get a job, you lazy bums and quit mooching off of me.

May 27

I vaguely remember a time when I used to see much better but now it's such a blur.

May 25

Somehow I managed to avoid most of the drama kids in high school but now I wish I'd been friends with them. I could use a little drama, but not in my own life.

May 24

On Hollywood Blvd. in Los Angeles, names of famous people are on the stars that line the sidewalk there. It's tough to imagine that the Smothers Brothers envisioned homeless people frequenting their stars. Bob Hope didn't know how hopeless the spot of his star would one day be, covered in the filth and grime of the city. It's a city that's a gamble. A few dreams come true there but many more are broken. It's a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to swim in their public pool.

May 17

Sometimes I feel bad when I crack an egg open. Bashing something open, stealing what's inside, and then leaving the outer shell to rot just seems like criminal behavior.

May 16

I decided to go green when it comes to make-up removers. Instead of using harsh soaps or chemicals, I let the sun burn my skin and then just peel off the whole top layer of skin entirely. It feels like I'm really getting everything off and I don't even have to exfoliate!

May 15

How many guns do I own, you ask? I don't know. Probably one or two. It's not like I count them every day.

May 14

Today several family members went to the hospital at the same time to visit a relative there. When we were going down the elevator together, we nearly filled it. One woman deliberated about whether to fit in there with us or wait but she opted to squish in between all of us. As a family we decided we'd meet back tomorrow for Elevator Day. We will just stay on the elevator all day to see if people get on in spite of the crowd or wait. Imagine if they choose to wait only to find out "Surprise! We're still ALL on the elevator!" I picture two possible outcomes: 1)increased stair use and 2)new elevator rules at the hospital.

May 12

Sometimes it's just better to look on the bright side. When I got mugged and ended up with knife wounds, a swollen left side of the face, and a broken wrist, I actually felt quite content. It felt like a blessing to have all of my money and identification removed. I hadn't realized how dependent I'd been on them but now I know I can live without them. It's tricky-I can't get an apartment or any food to eat but I know more about soup kitchens and dumpster diving than I ever did before and learning anything new is part of gaining an education. Yeah, I'm glad I got mugged.

May 8

What? There's valet parking now at Wal-mart?

May 7

Sometimes life has a way of balancing out. On the one hand, my kids were hit by a car today, which was bad. On the other hand, I found my checkbooks which I'd been looking for, which was good.

May 6

Have you ever gone so long without a foot massage that you find yourself feeding crumbs to the ants outside just so they'll wiggle around under your feet? I can't say it's free because the cost of those crumbs add up but it's an inexpensive alternative to the traditional foot rub.

May 5

This morning when I was jogging, there were snails all over the sidewalk. I yelled to them, "Snails! Hurry and move!" but the snails were too slow so it ended with a squish. Hey, I warned them.

May 3

I don't normally like vegetables but as part of my plan to be healthier, I've been trying them dipped in tempura batter and fried...I may end up healthier after all.

May 1

I'm committing to a healthier life so from now on I will only eat whole grain donuts.