How to Ruin a Weekend in 10 Easy Steps

If there's something I'm an expert on, it's ruining weekends. If you are worried about another successful weekend, please rest your fears and know that I'm here to rescue you with tips I've found helpful over the years. 1. Try to accomplish on the weekend every little task you wanted to do during the week and didn't manage to accomplish. Monday never seems quite as horrifying as it does when it arrives and your life has been so hectic you've never realized any days during the last week WEREN'T Monday. Clean the house, grocery shop, do yard work, cook for large groups of people and clean it all up. Chores, chores, chores-keep 'em comin'!

2. Let guilt be your tour guide. By mid-day Friday, bring to the forefront of your mind all of your weaknesses, failures, and shortcomings. Focus on each of those items and all the ways that your personal inadequacies are holding back the people you care about.

3. Overschedule. Nothing says making the most of the weekend like trying to make more of it than you are physically, emotionally, or financially able to do. You might think, "But how will this work? We also have X, Y, & Z going on?" Just schedule anyway. Things have a way of working out, even if it means instead of relaxing for a single moment, you spend those single moments driving, crying, apologizing for being late, and screaming inside.

4. Put pressure on the people you love. Even though they didn't plan to accomplish all that you unrealistically plan to accomplish over the weekend, doesn't mean they can't be dragged into the mess somehow.

5. Get easily offended. When stress abounds, being upset and snarky is just one way to slow down the weekend.

6. Make hasty decisions because you don't feel emotionally capable of doing anything else. If you try to think about things before making a choice, what will you have to feel bad about later? This is the time to cease the moment and create a little regret to savor later.

7. ALWAYS say yes to watching other people's kids. If they need their children watched, it means they're doing something fun. Live vicariously through them. The crazier their children are, the more vicarious living you really are doing!

8. Think a lot about giving up. Fantasize about just letting the laundry and dishes go for years and never taking out the garbage. Think about the house just piling up with junk and stinking...about losing your self-respect and eventually not being able to sleep unless you make a make-shift sort of bed out of trash. It feels like the second you give up, that's what life would turn into but you might find yourself much more compassionate toward hoarders.

9. Be there but don't be there. Physically be present but always keep your mind on your problems or what else you should or could be doing. Being emotionally unavailable in the moment is a little like a vacation, right?

10.Think about how life would be if you were alone and nobody cared about you. Now think about how many people are in your life and don't care about you. Ah, that's better, right? Instead of having nobody to care about you, you have lots of people to not care about you!

PLEASE KNOW THIS IS A JOKE!!! We all get down. (Clearly I do) Let yourself feel down once in a while but don't let it stay too long!!! People really do care about you! Life is just hard sometimes. :)