June 30

Why do restaurants make up cutesy words for foods? I know they name menu items these silly things just so they laugh when you ask for a "sconenut" or the "hula salad." Do they think you want to ask for "The Big Slab" or "The Texas Manhandler"? It would seem you should pick up an accent if you're going to order "The Ragin' Cajun" or a wrestling announcer's voice to order "The Gargantuan". Where I come from, you just want to ask for a hamburger and tell them what you want on it but some places want you to request things like the "Burnin' Love Burger" or say, "Give it to me animal style please." I didn't even know saying that to a stranger was legal! If pasta's your thing, you may have to ask for the "Tour of Italy" or if you want pizza, you could end up requesting a "Cable Car" or "Garlic Festival". All this writing about food is making me hungry. Maybe I should go get myself a "Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity" but if I feel like too much of a pansy saying that, I can fall back on an order of "Viva La French Toast" from the same establishment. Kids may have to order a "Funny Face" and seniors may have to ask for a "Rise & Shine". Restaurant people, this is getting out of hand. Maybe I'll just cook at home to save myself some embarrassment. I sure hope I can find my recipe for "Great Auntie's Finger-Lickin'-Til-There's-Nothin'-Left-Stickin'-Chicken".